"In order to fully realize how bad a popular play can be, it is necessary to see it twice."

"The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me."

"It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him."

"Baseball has the great advantage over cricket of being sooner ended."

"Gambling promises the poor what property performs for the rich--something for nothing."

"It is most unwise for people in love to marry."

"There are men who would quickly love each other if once they were speak to each other; for when they spoke they would discover that their souls had only separated by phantoms and delusions."

"If you marry you will regret it. If you do not marry you will regret it. If you marry or do not marry, you will regret it."

"Archbishop: a Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ."

"A human being is an animal suspended in webs of significance which he himself has spun."

"For every prohibition you create you also create an underground."

"If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race."