"The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around."

"The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever."

"I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there."

"Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angles to San Francisco live there?"

"The trouble with Oakland is that when you get there, it's there."

"All American cars are basically Chevrolets."

"It's a dangerous business going out your front door."

"Statistics are like lampposts: they are good to lean on, but they don't shed much light."

"The hardest work in the world is that which should have been done yesterday."

"Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable."

"There is nothing in the world that some man cannot make a little worse and sell a little cheaper, and he who considers price only is that man's lawful prey."

"If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants."